My rosy image of Tantra broke today.
I opened the popular section of Instagram to see how other Russian-speaking teachers present Tantra. Suddenly, I understood why people’s eyes widen when I mention my practice.
I found endless talk about sex and sexual energy, retreat videos resembling orgies, and dramatic “Kundalini awakenings” that left me feeling uncomfortable even through a screen.
For a moment, I wondered whether I wanted to be associated with any of it.
My Tantra feels different.
After an intense Kundalini practice at an Indian ashram, I asked my teacher to define Tantra. She gave me one word: “Expansion.” Then she held me, and I cried in her arms.
I remember an early class built around reverence. Women stood in the centre while men formed a circle around them. The teacher invited the men to kneel and bow sincerely: through the women in that room, they honoured the women of the world — mothers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, wives and former lovers. I cried there too.
At another retreat, a couple in crisis sat opposite one another. The teacher asked them to remember their first meeting and the moment each had chosen the other. They looked beyond familiar faces towards the unique human being who had entered their life with something to teach. Watching them moved me deeply.
So, does Tantra concern sex or tears?
For me, it offers a direct experience of being larger than our usual idea of ourselves. The world becomes more layered. Opposites begin to soften, and separation loses some of its power. This understanding arrives through the whole body.
Tantra is a spiritual practice for me.
Even people far from spiritual language may recognise its centre. Place a hand on your chest and notice the part inside that feels most honest — the part you cannot deceive. Your social identity changes, while this inner presence feels steady.
Words struggle to contain it. We still recognise the feeling of acting from the heart: connection, fullness and a quiet sense of rightness. I call this contact with myself.
Internal Family Systems therapy calls a similar inner presence the Self: creative, curious, connected and compassionate, with unconditional care for ourselves and others.
Therapy, meditation and yoga can all bring us towards it. My road runs through Tantra, with pleasure, goosebumps, sensation, joy and laughter along the way.
